I broke my glasses. On accident, of course. In a very careless fashion if I might add as well.

Normally I’m very conscientious about my glasses. I don’t typically just leave them laying around. Especially not after the last time I broke them two years ago. However, tonight, due to some pretty slick moves chopping up a jalapeño pepper to go with dinner, I ended up with my face under water faucet trying to rinse the burning out of my eyes not once, but twice.

In order to do so, I of course had to remove my glasses. Then, I very conveniently forgot that they were on my living room ottoman resting right next to me feet. Which, I moved and in the process brought right down on top of my glasses cleanly snapping off the right arm.

My optometrists office is open until 7 tomorrow so I can certainly swing by on my way home from what is sure to be a migraine filled day. But, even if I can get an order in, it’ll still be a week or so before the replacements come in.

First world problems.

I am a genetic freak.

Not in the “Lance Armstrong, super-athlete” sense of the term, but rather in the “Casmir Coulson, in good shape but has some sort of metabolic disorder” sense. For the last several years I have struggled with abnormally high LDL cholesterol (400+), triglycerides, and sugars with abnormally low HDL cholesterol (33 and lower). I’ve been on statins and fibrates and neither worked for their intended purposes. Rather, they hurt more than they helped.

Over the last year I’ve been taking Lovaza in combination with Niaspan and while that has helped to lower my LDL cholesterol, slowly but surely, they have done nothing for my triglycerides. They’ve been over 500 at their highest and in the high-200s at their lowest. Currently, they’re floating in at a not-so-dainty 346. In essence, I have the metabolic system of a near-diabetic 500 pound man. This was the natural conclusion after discussing the results of my annual labs with my doctor this morning. Clearly, the carbohydrate and sugar intake of any normal person makes my body want to kill itself.

Which Is Where the “First World Problem” Of This Comes In

I need to figure out a way to eat 2200 calories per day without going over my 150 gram carbohydrate cap. Simple, right? Not until you actually try to do so. So much of our average day-to-day diet is comprised of carbs that it makes it surprisingly difficult to actually meet that caloric intake without going over. Out of the 2200 calories that I should consume per day, I’ve only eaten about 1550 and in doing so, I have already gone over my carb cap by about 18 grams. There is no way I can consume another 650 calories before I go to bed tonight.

Going Primal With My Diet

Given, today’s predicament is the product of not having a plan and I expect that to continue to be the case over the next week. But, what I lack in a plan, I make up for in internet web browsing ability. I periodically read the blog, “Mark’s Daily Apple” and have some awareness of the Primal Blueprint. I don’t know much, but what I do know is that it urges a more primal diet with less refined carbohydrates. Off the top of my head, eating this way sounds a little challenging. But, I’m going to take a stab at it because it’s what I have to do if I plan on living to the ripe old age of 120 without my heart, liver, and pancreas asploding. The Primal Blueprint store offers a “30 Minute Meals” type of cookbook. Being the sucker that I am, I dropped a cool $30 on it after my doctor’s appointment this morning. With any luck I should be able to “Hannibal Smith” a plan once the cookbook arrives next week.

You will be the first to know how that goes!